Entry #1: Coming clean

I feel that in order for me to move on and truly start this journey, I need to spill all my secrets, you know, make a confession. Therefore my first official diary entry will be about this past week. I would say that this is the lowest point I had.

I finally snapped off the ravenous hunger spell I was having ever since the last module ended. I said to myself that this would be my opportunity to get back up the fitness train and lose some pounds. The timing was perfect – 2 days of classes and 5 days of vacation. In those 5 days, if I did things right, I could lose up to 2 pounds! All I need to do was eat healthy and exercise. I’ve done it before and I can do it again especially since no school requirements were holding me back. Boy oh boy I was wrong:

Day 1: I told myself that I can rest today. This would be my cheat day. Called food delivered and got 5 meals – 3 breakfast meals, 2 rice meals. Ate 3 1/2 meals in one sitting. I tole myself that I wouldn’t eat that much tonight. Night came and I was hungry, ordered again – 3 servings of wings and 2 servings of fries. Ate everything except for 3 pieces of chicken.

Day 2: Ate the 1 1/2 leftover from the first delivery for for breakfast. An hour later, I ate the wings. In my foolish attempt to balance out the unhealthiness, I ate half a cucumber with it. Shame (But more shame coming up next!). Ordered pizza + pasta for that night. Pizza was not good. Pasta was worse. It was like God himself was telling me to stop it. Had leftovers and decided not to order from that place again.

Day 3: Cooked up some veggies to feel better about myself. God through breakfast, lunch, and early dinner – ate the veggies plus the horrible pasta. Said to myself that “Wow, I did it! I didn’t call for delivery.” I snapped. Called and ordered pizza from another place. 2 pizzas + bread sticks. Ate 1 whole pizza and half the bread sticks. This was a new place and it was good. Damn it.

Day 4: Today. Ate the leftovers from yesterday – 1 whole pizza and half the breads sticks- for breakfast. Not feeling good.

I think I was consuming 3,000 calories a day for 4 days, 3,000 x 4= 12,000 calories. Minus that with a Basal Metabolic Rate of around 1,500/day. 12,000 – (6,000) = 6,000 calories. SIX THOUSAND CALORIES. IN EXCESS. That’s around 2 pounds. My goal was to lose 2 pounds this break and instead, I gained them. HOW STUPID AM I.

Funny-not-so-funny thing is, I am actually feeling the consequences, I feel like my organs are working double-time to process the food that I was eating. I felt like I had so much visceral fat, so much fat around my organs. I felt like I was killing myself. I was killing myself and I didn’t care. Why didn’t I care?

The day hasn’t ended yet. It’s still day 4, time is 2:49 pm. I have a lot of time in my hands. I just have to find the motivation to exercise. I need to exercise for at least one hour today. I can do it. I can do it.

Will update later/tomorrow.


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