Trying once again + something new

Finally doing this after my nth failure in trying to control my eating habits. Before medical school started I told myself that I’ll try to be healthier. I’ve put on a lot of weight during college – A LOT. Around 10 kgs. In my first year of college, I wasn’t eating that much. Always just canned tuna and slices of bread. Maybe instant noodles, peanut butter sandwiches, some fast food takeouts, you know the usual college staple. Then, maybe because I finally adjusted to the culture and got more stressed, I started eating more. Those  fast food take-outs for 1 became fast food take-outs for 3 but I was eating it in one sitting. There was a lot of late night snacks and eating out with blockmates. And there was no exercising that happened (except for the mandatory once-a-week PE class).

My friends were astounded by my eating habits. They kept telling me I was eating a lot but was surprised I was that thin. That I don’t get fat. Now, let me tell you guys something. I’ve been struggling with weight all my life. I’ve always been called chubby or fat. I was always insecure about my weight. I was always the “big girl”. On top of the glorious chocolate sundae that is my freakin’ life, I also had bad skin, a very acne prone skin (I could go on and on but let’s tackle things one at a time shall we?). Anyway, I grew up knowing that I was fat and getting bullied for it. Never once it my life did I believe I was thin. Even the scale said that I was overweight. How can I contradict science?

Fast forward to my last year in college. It was late at night and we were hanging out in a friend’s place. We were looking at old pictures and videos and having those “senior-itis” moments. We were laughing and chatting. My friend then placed a video on her laptop – it was me pitching a balloon (I’m kinda into softball). I was wearing shirt and shorts. I was shocked on how I looked. Everyone was quiet. Then suddenly, “Oh my God Danielle! You were so thin back then!” That was exactly what I was thinking. I was thin. Heck, I was even f*ckin’ hot! How did I fail to notice that! I was so into what other people was saying about me that I failed to see the real me. I was thin. I could not believe it.

So many thoughts ran through my head. I was gorgeous. Why did some people still call me fat? I was angry. I blamed them. If only I knew I was finally normal, if I knew that I actually had that normal body I’ve always wanted, I would have taken care of it more, or even enjoyed it more. I could have worn pretty dresses, I could have gone out and socialized more. But it was too late. Then and there I decided to change. And I did for a while. I went on a diet and exercised a lot. I lost some weight. Aaaand medschool began.

I wrote so much already, but the short story is I tried to keep up with the healthy lifestyle, got derailed, gained a few pounds, tried again, lost some, got derailed again, and now here I am, trying once more. I hope that this blog would be of help. I will try to keep this blog updated so I can record my journey. Writing things down kinda makes it more official, I hope I can stick to this.



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