Entry #8: Sometimes I think I look beautiful (and that’s okay)

I’ve always looked down upon myself because of my weight. When I look in the mirror, the first thing I see is my circular face, my chubby cheeks, and my double chin. My eyes would then move downwards and look at my thick arms. I would turn sideways and be disgusted on how wide it looks then raise my arms and be ashamed on how it jiggles. I would touch my tummy and pinch the rolls, telling myself “why did I let myself become this way?“. I would step a little further back to see the reflection of my legs on the mirror. I would be disappointed on how short and stocky it looks and wish for a model’s long, lean legs.

But sometimes, I think I look beautiful.

I look at the mirror at take notice of my eyes. I have larger eyes compared to other Asians and I love how it looks behind my straight, long lashes. I dart my eyes toward my thick and plump lips. It would always look pale and dry but a little lip balm at a little lipstick does the trick. I look at my silhouette and trace my curves. I adore how I have a mall waist amidst a fatty pouch. I then turn my back and check out my unusually large butt. I have small boobs, but I think God felt sorry for me and gave me this butt as a compensation (Thanks! I LOVE IT!). Finally, I would step back, look at the whole me and just – smile. I always love how I smile. My eyes would go small, my my face wrinkles up, and I let out a little laugh. Amidst all the things I hate about my body, I still feel beautiful. I still feel thankful for being me.

There’s no shame in loving the body you’re in however imperfect it may be.

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